Last month, I shared with you the challenges that I was facing in co-parenting with my ex. Little did I know how quickly God would work on me and through me to change my perspective of my relationship with my son’s father.
This past Father’s Day I chose to do something that was tough but God honoring. Although I felt I had intentionally not been given the full visiting time with my son for Mother’s Day, I made sure to allow my son’s father the full time with our son on father’s day. I chose to put aside the hurt, disappointment, and bitterness of being mistreated and instead, did what would bring glory to God. No, it wasn’t easy, but I realized that it is not about me, my son or my son’s father. It’s about loving my enemy by choice and honoring my true Father, God.
“It is not about me, my son or my son’s father. It’s about loving my enemy by choice and honoring my true Father, God.”
There is no way I could have done this without God and the Holy Spirit. It’s in moments like this that I realize, I cannot do life without Jesus Christ.
Through my willingness to be obedient to the call to love, I have developed a Christ-like love and understanding for my ex and have become prayerful about his current spiritual, emotional and physical state. I understand that he is broken. I never thought I would experience such peace and understanding for someone that had caused me so much pain. But when you’re pursuing something bigger than your feelings, thoughts, and emotions, you’re able to experience life outside the walls of your brokenness. You’re able to love an enemy.
As I sit here today sharing my testimony, I’m overwhelmed with emotions and tears knowing that God is breaking chains and barriers, setting me free from the situations and things that have kept me trapped since 2008. Freedom from the painful experiences and interactions with my ex came when I started to pray for myself, asking God to change my heart and break me down to build me back up. Now let me say that when I did this, I experienced more pain, suffering, and attacks of the enemy. However, I stood firm, taking every hit my ex threw at me. Whether it was visitation, money, my character, my parenting abilities, or, summer schedule, I stood firm. Though some things felt like they were driving me crazy, I recognized them as attempts to break my spirit, and I remained firm. I smiled, said okay,and kept it moving. Instead of trying to fix the problems on my own and blame my ex for our parental conflicts, I chose to pray about it and give it to my father God, seeking His guidance, wisdom, and strength.
When I decided to disengage from the battle, and instead focus on what mattered, my son and honoring God, I realized that this was all an attempt to keep me on the wrong battlefield. My battle was with the enemy – Not my ex. What can the enemy do to us when we get on our knees and pray? What can the enemy do when we open the Bible and start reading scriptures to fill our soul with God’s truth, presence, and Word? The enemy has already been defeated, now watch God work out your situation for the greater good.
One thing to remember in this is that honoring our heavenly Father does NOT mean we’re a weak parent or we have to allow an ex to walk all over us. This just means, we pick and choose our battles and allow God to handle it. All of it. Pray and give it to God. I found out that God can do much more with my situation than when I try to fix, control and manage my issues with my ex.
“Honoring our heavenly Father does NOT mean we’re a weak parent or we have to allow an ex to walk all over us. This just means, we pick and choose our battles and allow God to handle it.”
So, as we reach the end of June, and Father’s Day has come and gone, we should continue to remind ourselves that every day is Father’s Day when we choose to honor our Father in Heaven. The enemy has tried to take the blessing of relationships and family and use it against us to try and cause discord and disconnect between families, and with God. I encourage you to stop the enemy in his tracks and start letting go of any anger, pain, and resentment you have towards your ex. It’s not going to be easy, but when we focus on battling our ex, we lose focus on our children and God. The small battles we fight with our ex come at a greater cost in our relationships with our children and God.
My prayer for you is that you would allow God to come into your heart and transform you from the inside out, to be the light and example for your ex and children. To let go of the bitterness, the anger, and pain that you continue to carry. I pray for freedom, for chains to be broken as you read this. I pray all ties to the enemy’s plans are cut, and God steps in to work it out for good. I pray that God restores your brokenness and the brokenness in the family and relationships as you move forward together as co-parents and blended families. I pray that you experience God’s true love, peace, and joy as you get ready to step out and step forward in faith and with Jesus Christ.
I pray this in His name.