As a remarried mother, my journey can feel much like a beautifully and uniquely created bird that has wings but can’t fly. Here is what I mean by that.
Recently my son and I took a trip to Chic Fil A after he had finished competing in his elementary school’s speech meet. Rather than going inside, I chose to preserve my mommy energy for a trip to the Hobby Lobby I spotted a mile away. So like the other cars in front of me, I paced myself through the long yet fast drive-thru.
Although there are many things I love about Chic-Fil-A such as the food, the pay it forward option and the service even more than those amazing things I absolutely admire their investment into education by providing children with books rather than toys in their kids meals. When we made it to the window, the friendly cashier handed us our meals and my son opened his with hunger and excitement barely gasping for air to take his first bite. As he chewed his chicken nugget, he pulled a book out of his bag and began to rip the protective plastic off that covered the book.
In this kids meal he was gifted with a nonfiction book about Birds. My son took this opportunity to play the “Are you smarter than a 4th grader reading the answers from a book” game and test my knowledge of birds.
As he quized me based on true false responses, he seemed shocked at how many true or false answers I got correct. With a grin he would read through the information in each section explaining why the answer was true or why it was false. It was during this quizzing in the car that my son asked me a question that really got my wheels turning.
The question stated, “All birds have wings, true or false?”
My response, “True.”
My son said with excitement, “Correct” and began to read to me information about birds and their wings. The book shared that although all birds have wings, not all birds can fly.
Hmm…was I hearing this correctly? Why would God give birds wings but not allow them to fly?
I let him finish reading while really thinking about this and silently asked God this very question. I am always amazed at those God moments during our everyday life journey when he answers a question that he really doesn’t have to.
Well, the day continued and I continued thinking on this question. Suddenly, the answer was revealed to me. In order for a bird to be part of the bird family it must have wings, but it doesn’t need to fly to do what it was put on earth to do. What makes each bird unique and different is how they fulfill their purpose on earth with the ability and unique qualities God has given them. Their wings make them part of the family, their uniqueness gives them purpose.
This reminds me so much of being a remarried mother. Sometimes I lump myself in the category of a mother just because I exhibit all the qualities of a mother. I have children and stepchildren, I have to deal with ex’s and issues. I have gone to court more than I would like to admit about serious and foolish things. All these things and more lump me in the category of a remarried mother trying to nurture a family. I convince myself that because of these dynamics, things will generally look and feel the same as every other remarried mother. Its just the nature of the beast, right?
Not so much!
Although I am a remarried mother, my journey will not look and feel like another mothers just because we share some similar family dynamics. My experience will be unique and specific to the purpose God has given me in the life of my family. I can look at others and glean some knowledge but it will not tell me what motherhood will look like for me. I must learn to embrace the beauty of motherhood as a remarried and stepmother and choose to walk in full obedience to the specific purpose God has given me on this journey.
Do you ever feel like you are walking the journey of being a remarried mother with the expectation that your situation will turn out like someone else’s? Why do you feel this way?