I have wanted to be a mom since before I can remember. Seriously. Mothering has been so ingrained in my DNA that I was always mothering someone, somewhere for as long as I can remember.

When I met my husband, he had three children from his previous marriage, had recently become a Christian, and was experiencing a complete life change. I thought, “Maybe this is why I’ve always wanted to be a mom. Maybe this is the fulfillment of my calling!” I was a stark contrast to the people he usually hung out with. I was quite a bit younger, very athletic, extremely creative, and I loved children.

I’ll never forget the first time I met his three children. We had started getting to know each other and decided to take the leap. The first day his children and I hung out- we played outside for so long that before we knew it, it had become dark. As we ran around the yard after sunset, I heard a child scream at the top of his lungs. While playing, one of his children fell, and his face was now planted into a hole in the grass. The loud scream that resounded at the top of his lungs was a word that caused me to stand frozen for a moment. “Mom, Mom!” He cried, looking for his mother to come to his rescue. At that moment, I felt like the nurturing and mothering person I always thought I was had completely left my body as I realized his cry was not for me.

While my husband and I dated and into marriage, that name continued to rub me the wrong way. When we would discipline, they wanted their mom. When they were hurt, they would call out for mom. At bedtime, they would cry for their mom. No matter what I did to comfort them, it was never enough. I was not mom.

So what was I to these children? What significant role would I have in their lives? Mom obviously was never going to be my name, my role, or my relationship with them.

I’m now three years in and I’m starting to discover the unique Influence I have over them. They’ve never seen a marriage work. They’ve never seen the practice of tithing and the financial blessings that follow. They’ve never been part of a church family. They’ve never had structure. They’ve never had consistency. I may not be mom, but I can be safe, steadfast, and involved. That doesn’t make it easy.

To be honest, because of all the challenges these past couple years, when they say the name Mom, it can still sometimes make me cringe. But the relationship I have with them is irreplaceable. My hope is that one day the example I set and the things I have done well, will become what they model in their own homes in the area’s that God has called me to influence them. An even greater hope is that the example I set may lead their mother to a deeper relationship with Christ.


Has there been times on your blended family journey where Mom was a cringe-worthy word? How was this blog helpful? What are some practical tools that you will utilize moving forward?

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