When I think back to most of the challenges that we overcame in our marriage, one thing that helped to bring unity back into our relationship was dating. Without hesitancy I can confidently say thta dating helps to bring unity back into marriages.
When my husband and I first met, we dated. We dated on weekdays and weekends and holidays and made up days. We dated so much that the feeling of bliss constantly overtook every argument and frustration because we had time together that was just for us. Once we became married, dating became a second thought. With the same 24 hours in a day we somehow managed to not have time to date, and our relationship suffered.
I missed the romance and attention I received from us dating and my husband missed the natural connection that we had as a result of us growing closer through dating. Months would pass and the only thing we could remember was the last argument. Not the last date.
Eventually, I noticed our lack of dating as an issue. So I shared it with my husband and we decided “where there is a will there is a way.” This declaration really helped us to shift our focus to our marriage. So we began to date. We dated individually, we dated with couples, we even dated at home and it made life much more pleasurable.
With us both working full time jobs, raising seven children, writing books, doing workshops, being in church groups, speaking and running a ministry, we sometimes have to remind each other to keep the date about us. My husband likes to talk business and I have to look at him and remind him that this is not a business meeting, it’s a date. It is okay to give that friendly reminder during the date. The date is about you all. Sometimes that may include the kids but most of the time it should include learning each other more and growing together.
So how do you start dating when it has become an option rather than a priority? Here are a few tips:
Find a sitter- The key is not to just find a sitter but one that you are completely comfortable with your children being with for at least 4 hours. One of the reasons we stopped dating was because I wasn’t always comfortable with the child care arrangement. Once we took time to find a sitter that I was comfortable with, we began to date again. This resulted in US enjoying our date night and the kids enjoying our date night. It’s a win, win.
Be open to creative date ideas- I am not the most adventurous and coming up with new ideas isn’t my forte. Often times I have to force myself to remain open to new adventures and ideas but when I am, I always enjoy them.
Start off strong- I think that what helped to give my husband and I some momentum and recognize the importance in us dating regularly was dating each weekend, for several weekends in a row. We didn’t do this on purpose at the time but it definitely gave us the momentum to keep with the pace.
So as you prepare to date your spouse again, think of dates in these 3 categories for starters: Individual Dates; Double Dates and Homebound Dates- www.getdatebox,com is a great resource.
Be creative, have fun and let us know how this helps to bring the honey back to the moon in your marriage.